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Expressing yourself sexually - BDSM & fetish

Do you have kinky fantasies? Are they an essential part of how you define your own sexuality? Or maybe they make you feel guilty, maybe even a bit scared of yourself and you rather keep them a secret?

Society at large is changing their views on BDSM, kink, leather and fetish. Once being a taboo, more and more people find that integrating kinky practices into their sexual repertoire enriches their life. Formerly described as disorders, such alternative activities have been removed as disorders from the DSM 5 - the leading diagnostic system in 2013. Yet you might have encountered some mental health practitioners that still consider this as something “deviant” and pathological rather than part of healthy sexual behaviour.

As a kink-aware therapist, I accompany people with diverse sexual interests on their exploration of what feels authentic to them and how they want to express themselves sexually.

 

Did you know that more than 65% of people experience BDSM-related fantasies? Experiencing a certain sexual fantasy does not necessarily mean that you want to act them out in real life.

Read more in my blog

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Typical questions of my clients

"Often I fantasise about ….  I am really ashamed of these thoughts and want them to go away.  Am I normal?”

“My partner does not share my alternative interests. What should we do?”

“I  experience some mental health challenges unrelated to my sexual expression. You should know that I am a dom/ I am a sub and kink is important to me. Can I openly speak about this in therapy?”

What would we be doing in our sessions?

That depends on what your goal is and how you would most benefit from my skill set and my professional experience. Common topics include:

 

(Re)defining healthy sexuality. Am I normal and is this ok?

You might feel a bit unsure about whether your desires are “ok”. We will take a close look at the meaning your fantasies might have. Then we will debunk some common myths around kink so that you can move towards more self-acceptance.

 

The many shades of kink practices and relationships: What do I want?

You might wonder why you feel drawn to a particular activity or role. We will explore what exactly makes this so appealing to you and how you can integrate this into your life safely.

 

Dealing with different sexual interests: What does this mean to us as a couple?

It can be tough when your partner does not share your desires and maybe you are worried about your future. During our sessions we will discuss the implications of this difference in desire and see what a good solution for the two of you could look like. 

 

Guilt, shame, jealousy and more...: How to deal with challenging emotions ?

Being a kinkster isn't always easy and you might encounter intense feelings on your path.  We will investigate how this feeling unfolds for you and what that might have to do with your personal history. Also, we will find some strategies for you on how to deal with them.

 

Other topics include:

  • Establishing consent for play: How to communicate my desires and boundaries?

  • Integrating intense kink experiences

  • Poly-dynamics: Playing safely with multiple people and/or navigating consensual non-monogamy

  • Infidelity and rebuilding trust

  • Navigating power exchange dynamics in long-term relationships: 24/7, Female-led-relationship & more

  • Interdependence vs. codependency in power exchange relationships

  • Coming-Out as a kinkster and being outed by others: coping with stigma and othering

 

If you are dealing with similar questions and would like to work with an open psychotherapist, we should get to know each other!

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